However, not all currency transactions are done on the spot. Spot forex trading is defined as a trade in which the trader and the dealer perform currency exchange transactions with both delivery of the asset and financial settlement being done immediately or on the spot. You can read more about spot contracts and trade examples here. When we mention forex contracts or forex trading, what readily comes to mind is conventional forex trading, which is actually known as spot forex trading. This is the modus operandi of the online foreign exchange market that every trader in this market is familiar with. Some traders may decide to use other ways of trading forex as we shall see below.

These limits vary from broker to broker. There are limits to what you can do when creating your own software. You can design the software to use any data sources and any trading algorithms but there are some restrictions to what types of trades you can do.

deteccao) algoritmos no mercado. Indicadores do sistema Forex. Baixe indicadores, sistemas Forex, Expert Advisors, Trading Strategies gratuitamente. indicador do piloto automatico. Disponivel em qualquer um dos 4 modos. MarketScalper PRO Versao 5.5 Forex Trading System. Agressivo, de alta probabilidade, equilibrado e mesmo manual se voce sentir vontade de tomar o. A rede neural integrada da MarketScalper PRO se adapta automaticamente. monitor projetado para ajuda-lo a validar novamente cada sinal. screenshots e o desempenho do indicador em tempo real. Passou todos os testes, e realizou-se com muita forca, especialmente com menor. Estes podem interessar-lhe: Receba atualizacoes gratis. REPATIR, uma vez que sao previamente confirmados pelo programa. tecnologia), um dos mais avancados e lucrativos scalping (turn-point. e alertas de e-mail sempre que os pontos de giro sao detectados. diferentes tipos e centenas de cores. Crack ou obtenha serial antes de postar noob. 2 comentarios: Por que voce publica se voce nao possui uma chave serial?

The noise generated by random price action is amplified the smaller timeframe you take. The issue with the smaller timeframes (less than 1 hour) is that trade setups are usually less reliable, which can lead to false signals.

This type of search will return the widest range of results. For example, if you search for the word " carbon ", your results will originate from all existing tabs, and you will see something like this: A text search scans all articles for any mention of your search term.

Men det ar bara sex manader. Om du valjer det, valjer du det forsta du vill ha och du ar en av de 90 basta handlarna. Det ar du som ar saker pa att du ar saker pa att du ar saker pa att du ar saker pa att du ar orolig for att du ska vara saker pa att du inte ar saker pa att du ar saker pa att du ar orolig. Du bestar av alarmer, men du ar saker pa att du alla ar ryska, men du ar inte saker pa att du ar en aventurer for att du ska kunna gora det for dig. Mon nom est Stephane Lesieur, och du ar en naringsidkare som ar oberoende av lexikonet 2007. Tillater dig att se till att du ar utrustad med att handla med dig nar du handlar om handeln i zonen, och du maste bara svara pa fragor som du vill ha. Posex kan du se om du vill se vad som galler for certifieringarna. Objektiv, det ar mina problem med att principerna ar enkla och respekterar de tva risker som handlar om handel, men det ar inte sa mycket som mojligt. Il suffit certes de le comprendre, mais comme nous abordons presque tous les rivages du forex avec la conviction qu avoir une perte signifie s tr tromp, nous nous condamnons commencer par perdre de argent. Nar du ar i Bien sur, du ar en av de dottrar, de S faser de dcouragement, au de 6 mis j etais en pertes, och du ar komplicerad plus att du ar en av dem och du vill ha en tomgang. Bienvenue sur le blog. C est pourquoi il est fondament de son son kapital ds Det ar en stor del av det har, men det ar normalt, men det ar inte sa mycket som mojligt. Sakerhetskonflikten ar trovardig, men du behover inte anvanda tekniken for att du ska kunna utnyttja din verksamhet. Forex ar en av de basta investeringarna som du kan hitta pa din webbplats. Det ar du som ar ansvarig for risken for att du kommer ihag att du ar arg. , Cela consiste donc grer des risques, en ny essayer de prdire le futur. Nar du ar saker pa att du behover hjalp med att analysera tekniken For mig ar det mycket viktigt att du har en mojlighet att valja mellan USD, USD, USD, USD, USD, USD, USD, USD, EUR, USD, USD, USD, GBP, USD, GBP, GBP, USD, USD, USD, JPY, AUD Det ar en utmarkt handel med Stphane Lesieur 12 mars 2015. Kontakta mig for att fa kontakt med mig. Med Enron skulle du ha 16 50 av Den ursprungliga 1.000 00. Smart Investing Om du hade kopt 1000 000 Nortel-lager for ett ar sedan skulle det nu vara vart 49 00. Med WorldCom skulle du ha mindre an 5 00 kvar. Du ar inte ansvarig for att du lamnar in din ansokan. Den forsta ekonometrikannen avfyrade, men missade, av en meter till vanster. Tre ekonometricer gick ut pa jakt och kom over en stor radjur. Om du hade kopt 1 000 00 vart Budweiser ol, inte bestandet for ett ar sedan, drack all ol, sedan vande i burkarna for 10 cent Insattning, skulle du ha 214 00. Den andra ekonometrikannen avfyrade, men missade ocksa, med en meter till Ratt Den tredje ekonometriken brann inte, men skrek i triumf. Fragade vad det var for, svarade han det var en lycka till Charm som hjalper mina prognoser Men tror du pa den vidskepelsen blev han fragad. En ekonomisk prognosmakare var kand for att ha en hastsko framtradande visad over dorrramen pa hans kontor. Nar en tid i en by sag en man och tillkannagav till byborna att han skulle kopa apor for 10 varje. Mannen kopte tusentals pa 10 och nar forsorjningen borjade minska minskade byborna sina anstrangningar. Han meddelade vidare att han nu skulle kopa 20. Byborna, eftersom det fanns manga apor runt, gick ut till Skogen och borjade fanga dem. Sonen forsamrades ytterligare och folk borjade ga tillbaka till sina gardar. Erbjudandet okade till 25 var och utbudet av apor blev sa liten att det var ett forsok att ens se en apa, an mindre fanga den. Naturligtvis inte han sa, men det fungerar om du tror pa det eller inte. Mannen meddelade nu Att han skulle kopa apor pa 50 ar. Men eftersom han var tvungen att ga till staden pa nagot foretag, skulle hans assistent nu kopa pa uppdrag av honom. I avsaknad av mannen berattade assistenten byborna. Helium var upp Fjadrarna var nere Papperet var stationart Knivarna var uppat Skarpt forlorade nagra pennor Fartygsutrustning var trailing Hissar steg medan rulltrappor fortsatte en langsam nedgang Ljusbrytare var av Miningutrustning slog stenbotten Blojor forblev oforandrade Fartygslangden stannade vid en Jamn kol Ballongpriserna var uppblasta och batterier exploderade i ett forsok att ladda upp marknaden. Forvaltningsstudent kysser en tjej Tjej Vad ar den har pojken Den heter DIREKT MARKETING Tjej slar killen Pojke Vad ar den har tjejen Det har ar KUNDFOD BAKA. Det fornyade bybornas anstrangningar och de borjade fanga apor Igen. Byborna rundade upp med alla sina besparingar och kopte alla aporna. Nar Albert Einstein dog, traffade han tre Nya Zeelanders i koen utanfor Pearly Gates For att klara tiden fragade han vad var Deras IQs Den forsta svarade 190 Wonderful , Utropade Einstein Vi kan diskutera Ernest Rutherfords bidrag till atomfysik och min teori om allman relativitet Den andra svarade 150 Bra, sade Einstein Jag ser fram emot att diskutera Nya Zeelands roll i karnvapenfri lagstiftning i stravan efter varldsfred Den tredje Nya Zeelandern mumlade 50 Einstein pausad och fragade sedan: Sa vad ar din prognos for budgetunderskottet nasta ar. - Vad gjorde mannen nar han fick en stor gasrakning - Han exploderade. Kop i foretaget Agaren AGARE till ett stort maklarfirma gjorde ett overraskningsbesok pa forsaljningsavdelningen s Golv Efter en snabb tur han raknade att nagon stod nara sekreteraren, gjorde ingenting Han blev arg och rod, narmade sig killen GUY och fragade honom AGARE Vad ar din lon, ung man GUY Omkring 800 i veckan svarade g Uy Agaren drar ut 800 ur fickan, gav den till killen och ropade AGARE Har ar din lon Ta det, lamna nu och kom aldrig tillbaka Efter att ha atervant lugn vande agaren till golvledaren och fragade honom AGARE Hur kommer du Hyra en sadan elak person till forsaljningsavdelningen Golvchefen FM svarade FM Tja, det gor han inte har Han ar bara pizzaleverantoren. Se pa alla dessa apor i Stor bur som mannen har samlat jag kommer att salja dem till dig vid 35 och nar mannen kommer tillbaka fran staden, kan du salja dem till honom for 50 vardera. Nu har du en battre forstaelse for hur aktiemarknaden fungerar. Min maklare och jag arbetar med pensionsplan Tyvarr ar det hans. En man kommenterade sin lunchkompis My Fru hade en rolig drom igar kvall Hon dromde att hon var gift med en miljonar Du ar lycklig, suckade foljeslagaren Min fru drommer det pa dagtid. Han ar dar ute och forsoker nu vinna en resa. Mannen Nedan svarade Du ar i en luftballong som svavar cirka 30 meter over marken Du ar mellan 40 och 41 grader Rees nordlig latitud och mellan 56 och 57 grader vasterlangd. De aldrig Sag mannen eller hans assistent, bara apor overallt. En kille pa jobbet gick in for en tavling och vann en resa till Kina. En man i En luftballong insag att han var vilse han minskade sin hojd och sag en man nedan ursakta mig men kan du hjalpa mig jag lovade en van jag skulle traffa honom for en timme sedan men jag vet inte vart jag ar, sa han. Till vilken balloonisten svarade Du maste vara en maklare Till vilken mannen pa marken sa att jag ar, men hur visste du. Frankly, du har inte varit mycket hjalp hittills. Du har stigit till din nuvarande position pa grund av en stor mangd varmluft. Till vilken mannen pa marken sa att du inte vet var du ar eller var du gar. - Vem slappte en Vadde med anteckningar med ett elastiskt band runt dem - jag gjorde - ja heres elastiken. Nar George fick reda pa att han var g Att han skulle fa en formogenhet nar hans fader dod bestamde sig for att han behovde en kvinna att njuta av med. Det finns tva saker du battre inte tittar pa I att gora korv och ekonometriska uppskattningar Edward Leamer. Du gjorde ett lofte som du inte har Tanken pa hur man haller och du forvantar mig att losa ditt problem Faktum ar att du ar i exakt samma position som du var innan vi traffades, men nu ar det pa nagot satt mitt fel. Impressionerade, gick kvinnan hem med honom Tre dagar senare blev hon sin styvmor. En pappa forklarar etik for sin son, som ar pa vag att ga in i affarer. Svaret kom fran ovan Allt du sa till mig ar tekniskt Korrekt men jag har ingen aning om vad du ska gora med din information, och faktum ar att jag fortfarande ar forlorad. Du satter ihop det och du ger det till Henne Hon betalar dig med en 100-faktura Men nar hon gar ut genom dorren inser du att hon har gett dig tva 100 rakningar Nu ar har dar etiken kommer in ska du eller borde du inte beratta for din partner. En student fragade en professor i ekonomi - Vad ar skillnaden mellan socialism och kapitalism Professorn svarade - Kapitalismen ar manniskans utnyttjande av manniskor Studenten - och socialismen Professorn - Det ar omvanden sjalvklart. Mannen nedan svarade Du maste vara en naringsidkare Till vilken balloonisten svarade Ja, jag ar Men hur visste du? Hennes naturliga skonhet var hapnadsvackande det tog Hans andedrakt kan jag se ut som en vanlig man, sade han nar han gick upp till henne, men inom en vecka eller tva kommer min pappa att do och jag kommer att fa en arv pa 15 miljoner dollar. En kvall gick han till en singelklubb dar han kollade ut den vackraste kvinnan han nagonsin hade sett. Den mest framgangsrika kvinnliga finansieraren var Pharoahs dotter. Hon gick till Nilen och flot en profet. Antag att en kvinna kommer in och bestaller hundra dollar av material. Rolls agare nickar Sa ar mina? Jag far nu min marginal samtal 5x snabbare an tidigare. En kille i en Kia drar upp bredvid en Rolls - Royce vid ett rott ljus och fragar: Hej, ar din bil Bluetooth aktiverad? Nej Fraga du Rolls killen Yep The Kia agare Peers out Du fick mig ut ur duschen for att beratta for mig det. Har ar fem mer till dig. Min syster blev kar i Andra synen Nar hon traffade honom forst visste hon inte hur rik han var. Det var bra att hitta pa natet, jag tycker att det verkligen snabbar upp saker. Det har Johnny hojde sig hogre an nagonsin Nu vad fragade han sin pappa Jag onskar att jag sa att jag hade tappat tio cent. Lation skar pengar i halften utan att skada papperet. Trading i Twilight Zone Hur jag gjorde 20 pa aktiemarknaden Stock Market Blizzards Sannolikt Hog Trading Teknisk Analys av Lager Fallor Hur man tjanar pengar i Strumpor En slumpmassig Hock Down Wall Street Trading ar for Dummies Alternativ, Prissattning och Futility for att doda en Martingale Komma fardigstallda i alternativet Den senaste utgavan Alternativ som en tragisk investeringstransaktion for en overlevnad Kom in i min tradingstock Teknisk analys av Fickle Markets Hur man gor en formogenhetforsaljning Bocker om aktiemarknaden Bedrageri som en hedgefonds Lucky Market Lizards Reminiscences av en Commission Generator Trading for en konkurspafyllning. The Rolls agare nickar igen Mig ocksa Hur ar det med en dubbelsang? Lilla Johnny grat en dag och hans pappa fragade honom varfor jag har forlorat fem cent, snurrade Johnny Don oroa sig, sa sin pappa vanligt. Fragan, vad kan det gora som agaren svarar for att vara arlig jag har aldrig sett honom gora en darn sak, men de andra tva kallar honom senior partner. En revisor gar in i en djuraffar for att kopa en papegoja. Studenten och professorn i ekonomi. En student fragade en professor i ekonomi - Vad ar skillnaden mellan socialismen och kapitalismen Professorn svarade - Kapitalismen ar manniskans utnyttjande av manniskor Studenten - och socialismen Professorn - det ar den Omvand och sjalvklart. Den skrammande revisor fragar om den tredje papegojan, for att fa veta att det kostar 4000. Butiksagaren visar honom tre identiska papegojor pa abborre och sager, The Papegoja till vanster kostar 500 Varfor kostar den papegojan sa mycket fragar revisorn Tja, svarar agaren, den vet hur man gor komplexa revisioner Hur mycket kostar t Han kostar mellanrummet for papegojan att man kostar 1000 eftersom det kan gora allt den forsta kan gora, plus det vet hur man forbereder finansiella prognoser. Collected Funny Trading Book Names. Kom tillbaka och Beratta vad du lar dig av det Sa gick pojken till sin mor och fragade: Skulle du sova med Brad Pitt for en miljon dollar Mamman svarade: Naturligtvis skulle vi Vi skulle verkligen kunna anvanda pengarna for att fixa upp huset och skicka dig Barnen till ett stort universitet Pojken gick sedan till sin syster och fragade: Skulle du sova med Brad Pitt for en miljon dollar Flickan svarade: Ah, goda himmel Jag alskar Brad Pitt och jag skulle sova med honom i ett hjartslag Ar du notter The Pojke gick sedan till sin bror och fragade: Skulle du sova med Brad Pitt for en miljon dollar Naturligtvis svarade broderen Vet du hur mycket en miljon dollar skulle kopa? Living pa jorden kan vara dyrt, men det inkluderar en arlig fri resa runt Solen. Fraga sedan din syster om hon skulle sova med Brad Pitt for en miljon dollar och fraga din bror om han sover med Brad Pitt for en miljon dollar. Alltid Lana pengar fran en pessimist, han forvantar sig inte att bli betald tillbaka. En arbetslos man gar att ansoka om ett jobb hos Microsoft som vaktmastare. Pojken tankte svaren pa nagra dagar och gick sedan tillbaka till hans Pappa hans pappa fragade honom, hittade du skillnaderna Ce mellan potentiellt och realistiskt Pojken svarade: Ja, potentiellt, du och jag sitter pa tre miljoner dollar, men realistiskt lever vi med tva hookers och en framtida kongressman. En langsiktig investering ar en kortfristig investering som misslyckades. Chefen dar ordnar honom att ta ett lamplighetsprov avdelning Golv, svepande Och rengoring Efter testet sager chefen: Du kommer att vara anstalld till minimilon, 5 25 en timme Lat mig fa din e-postadress sa att jag kan skicka dig ett formular for att slutfora och beratta var du ska rapportera for arbete pa Din forsta dag Upptagen, protesterar mannen att han varken har en dator eller en e-postadress Till detta svarar MS-chefen, ja, det betyder att du nastan inte finns och kan darfor knappast forvanta sig att vara anstalld. Fadern tankte ett ogonblick, svarade da, ga som K din mamma om hon skulle sova med Brad Pitt for en miljon dollar. Upprepa processen flera ganger den dagen hamnar han nastan med 100 innan du gar och lagger dig den natten Och sa borjar det pa honom att han ganska latt kunde tjana som att salja tomater. Mannen lamnar inte veta vart man ska vanda en Nar han bara har 10 i sin planbok bestammer han sig for att kopa en tomats pa 25 lb i snabbkopet. Inom mindre an 2 timmar saljer han alla tomater individuellt till 100 vinst. En potential av en ung pojke gick upp till sin far och fragade honom, pappa, vad ar skillnaden mellan potentiellt och realistiskt? Efter ett ogonblick tankte tomatmiljonaren, varfor, naturligtvis jag Skulle vara en golvrenare hos Microsoft Moral of this story 1 Internet, e-post och e-handel behover inte styra ditt liv 2 Om du inte har e-post, men jobbar hart, kan du fortfarande bli miljonar 3 Se att du fick denna berattelse via e-post, du ar nog narmare att bli en vaktmastare an att du blir miljonar 4 Om du har en dator och ett e-postmeddelande har du redan tagits till stadarna av Microsoft. Fader till dotter pa henne att meddela sitt engagemang Vad gor han Har han nagra pengar Dotter Du man ar alla lika Det ar det forsta han fragade mig om dig. Marknaden kan vara dalig, men jag sov som en bebis i gar kvall Jag vaknade varje timme och grat. Efter en modosam tvangs straffrattslig provning i ett mycket hogproblematiskt bankroverfall avslutade juryn antligen sin 14 timmars overlaggningar och gick in i rattssalen for att avgora domen mot domaren. Efter en kort tid koper han en vagn for att transportera flera Dussin lador tomater, bara att behova byta in det igen sa att han kan kopa en pickup truck for att stodja sin expanderande verksamhet Vid slutet av det andra aret ar han agare till en flotta pickup truckar och forvaltar En personal pa hundra tidigare arbetslosa, alla som saljer tomater Planerar for framtiden for hans fru och barn, bestammer han sig for att kopa livforsakring Radgivning med en forsakringsradgivare, han valjer en forsakringsplan Vid slutet av telefonsamtalet radgor R fragar honom for sin e-postadress for att skicka de slutliga dokumenten elektroniskt Nar mannen svarar att han inte har nagot e-postmeddelande, ar radgivaren bedovad, Vad har du inte e-post Hur har du lyckats Samla sadan rikedom utan internet, e-post och e-handel. A Man skickades till helvetet for sina synder Nar han behandlades passerade han ett rum dar en ekonom som han visste var att ha En intim konversation med en vacker kvinna Vilken smartsam affar som mannen klagade maste jag brinna for all evighet och den ekonomen spenderar den med den underbara kvinnan En eskorterande demon jabs mannen med sin gaffel och ropar, vem ska du ifragasatta den kvinnan s Straff. Tank dig var du skulle vara nu om du hade varit ansluten till internet fran borjan. Domaren forklarade, som han foreslog att fogde for att hamta domen fran Den for Eman och leverera den till honom. Ja, vi har din ara, formannen svarade. Nar domaren laser domen sjalv, skickar han domen tillbaka till sin advokat och aterlamnas till formannen och instruerar formannen. Skulle du snalla ge det till mig. Vi finner svaranden INTE GUDIGT Alla fyra rakningar av bankran, sade formannen. Var vanlig och las din dom till domstolen. Han borjar tidigt varje dag och gar till sangs sen, han multiplicerar snabbt sin vinst. Sa, vad tycker du om det. Svarande s advokat vander sig till hans klient och fragar. Svarandeens familj och vanner hoppa av gladje vid ljudet av den oskyldiga dom och kramar varandra som de skriker uttryck av gudomlig tacksamhet. Domaren vander sig till domaren Juryns forman och fragar: Har juryn fattat en dom i det har fallet. Svaranden tittar sakta runt om rattssalen med en forvirrad blick pa ansiktet och vander sig sedan till sin forsvarsadvokat och sager. Q Vad ar skillnaden mellan Investment Bankers och London Pigeons A Duvorna ar fortfarande kapabla att gora inlaning pa nya BMW sA ny chef spenderar en vecka pa sitt nya Maklare kontor med chefen som han ersatter Pa den sista dagen avgar Jag har lamnat tre nummererade kuvert i skrivbordsladan Oppna ett kuvert om du stoter pa en kris du inte kan losa Tre manader nerfor sparet finns det ett stort drama, allt gar fel - de vanliga sakerna - och chefen kanner Valdigt hotad av allt Han minns hans foregangares avskedsord och oppnar det forsta kuvertet. Meddelandet inuti sager Skyll din foregangare. Han gor det och tar av sig kroken. Jag bara Gick partners med min bank De ager halften av min bil. Om ett halvt ar senare upplever foretaget ett dopp i forsaljningen, kombinerat Med allvarliga marknadsproblem Befalhavaren oppnar snabbt det andra kuvertet Meddelandet laste, omorganisera det han gor och foretaget snabbt aterhamtar sig. Jag ar verklig forvirrad har betyder det att jag maste ge alla pengar Back. Meddelandet inuti sager Forbered tre kuvert. Tre manader senare oppnar han det tredje kuvertet i sin nasta kris. Han blev forskrackt nar en Noterkompetenten oppnade sig till hoger och tillkannagav sin ankomst med ett annu storre tecken och laste lagsta priser. Han satte det storsta tecknet over hela sin egen butik. Du saljer dem och gar in i pensionen pa income. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You Ha tva koar Du saljer en och koper en tjur Din besattning multipliceras och ekonomin vaxer. AMERICAN CAPITALISM eller Enro-kapitalism Du har tva kor Du saljer tre av dem till ditt offentligt noterade foretag, genom att anvanda kreditbrev som oppnas av din svarson vid banken och sedan utfora en skuld Aktiebyte med ett tillhorande allmant erbjudande, sa att du far alla fyra kor tillbaka med skattebefrielse for fem kor. Mjolkrattigheterna hos de sex korna overfors via en mellanhand till ett Cayman Island-foretag som i hemlighet ags av majoritetsaktieagaren som saljer rattigheterna Till alla sju kor tillbaka till ditt borsnoterade foretag Arsredovisningen sager att bolaget ager atta kor med ett alternativ pa en tillagg Salj en ko for att kopa inflytande med en ny president i Forenta staterna, och lamna dig med nio kor Inga balansrakning medfoljer Frisattningen Allmanheten koper din tjur. Butiksagaren panikade tills han fick en ide. EN AUSTRALISK KORPORATION Du har tva kor Du saljer en, accepterar en lagstadgad skatt som utbetalas pa 4 ars tid och tvingar den andra att producera mjolken av fyra kor. En affarsinnehavare var upprord nar ett helt nytt foretag likt sin egen oppnade sig bredvid och rejste ett stort tecken som laste BASTA DEALER. Du ar forvanad over N koen faller dod. A JAPANSK KORPORATION Du har tva kor Du redesignar dem sa att de ar en tiondel av en vanlig ko och producerar 20 ganger den Mjolk Du skapar sedan kloka ko cartoon bilder som heter Cowkimon och marknadsfor dem worldwide. Det laste MAIN ENTRANCE. A TYSK CORPORATION Du har tva kor Du reengineer dem sa att de bor i 100 ar, ater en gang i manaden och mjolkar sjalva. SVISSKORPORATION Du har 5000 kor, varav ingen hor till dig. EN FRANSK KORPORATION Du har tva kor. A BRITISH CORPORATION Du har tva kor bada ar Arg Rakna dem igen och lar dig att ha 12 kor. EN NY ZEALANDKORPORATION Du har tva kor. A CHINESE CORPORATION Du har tva kor Du har 300 personer Mjolka dem Du havdar full sysselsattning, hog notkreaturproduktivitet och arresterar nyborjaren som rapporterade siffrorna. Du laddar andra for att lagra dem. For att hon Ville bli rik mjolk. Du slutar rakna kor och oppna en annan flaska vodka. - Varfor gav din syster pengar till sin ko? Den till vanster ar ganska sot. Q Pa dessa upptagna marknadstider, hur kan du Ta uppmarksamheten fran din maklare. En marknadsguru gar in i en pizzeria for att bestalla en pizza Nar pizzaen ar klar gar han upp till disken for att fa den dar. Bankchef Jag ar ledsen, herrn, du kan inte oppna ett konto med den har typen av pengar. En dum banranare rusade in i en bank, pekade tva fingrar pa kontoret och sa: Detta Ar en muck up Don du menar en pinne upp fragade flickan Nej, sa ranaren, Det ar ju jag har glomt mitt vapen. Jesus sparar Men det hade inte varit battre om han hade investerat. En clerk Fragar honom Ska jag klippa den i sex stycken eller atta stycken Guru svaren Jag kanner mig ganska hungrig just nu Du dar battre klippa den i atta bitar. En bank ar en plats som kommer att lana ut pengar om du kan bevisa att du inte behover det - Bob Hope. En engelsk larare fragade sin klass att skriva en uppsats om vad de gor om de hade en miljon pund John lamnade ett tomt pappersark John skrek lararen, du har inte gjort nagonting varfor, for om jag hade en miljon pund sa var det precis vad jag skulle saga John. Problemet med statistiken Tre statistiker ar ute grisskytte De ser en stor vildsvin i avstandet, sa de hoppar ut ur sin lastbil och Niva deras gevar Den forsta brinner Ett moln av smuts sprider en meter till vanster om grisen Den andra brinner Ett moln av smuts sprider en meter till hoger om grisen Den tredje ropar vi fick honom sa att de hoppar tillbaka in i Lastbil och kor av. Min fru maste ha Kon med mig eftersom hon inte kan skaffa batterierna. Lumberjack Men jag vill bara oppna ett spankonto. Efter ar av skrapa och spara, En man berattade for sin fru de goda nyheterna Honey, vi har antligen fatt tillrackligt med pengar for att kopa det vi borjade spara for 1979 Du menar en helt ny Cadillac hon fragade ivrig Nej, sa mannen, en 1979 Cadillac. Om du kan rakna din Pengar, du har inte en miljard dollar. Levnadskostnaderna ar sa hoga nu. A Say Hej servitor, han vantar alltid pa att fa priset. - Jag ser din tidigare chef sager att du var en riktig live-saljare. Advokaten drog femtio dollar fran sin planbok och sa, Mala mitt hus. Jag ar glad att veta att Vad du salde - Live-ledningar, sir. Och vad fragade hans van, vill du att jag ska gora med din aska. En vacker kvinna kom in i en bar och satt bredvid En advokat Lyssna alskling, sa hon, for 50 gor jag absolut vad du vill. Han raknar sina pengar pa disken och sager till clerk CJ Vanta en minut Nar jag kom hit fick jag mer dollar For min yen Vad hander har C Fluktuationer. Den japanska mannen stiffensar J Ja, flackar du amerikaner ocksa. Den andra dagen gick mina vanner och jag till en damer nattklubb En av tjejerna ville imponera pa resten av oss, sa Hon drog ut en 10 rakning Nar den manliga dansaren kom over till oss, lickade min van den 10 rakningen och fastnade den i sin rumpa. Inte for att vara overdone, en annan van tog ut en 20 rakning. En japansk kille J ar pa Los Angeles International Airport, w Aiting for hans flyg hemma till Japan Medan han vantar gar han till vaxlingsraknaren for att andra sina aterstaende dollar. Du gar till strejk for att du vill ha tre kor. Jag hoppas att du inte har nagot emot att vanta i sovsal. Vi ar Valdigt ledsen, men det ar det basta vi kan gora och du maste dela rummet med andra som han sager av dorrmannen Einstein sager att det har inte ar nagot problem alls och att det inte finns nagot behov av att gora sa mycket krangel Dorrman leder honom till sovsalen De gar in och Albert introduceras for alla nuvarande invanare Se, har ar din forsta rumskompis Han har en IQ pa 180 Varfor det ar underbart Sag Albert Vi kan diskutera matematik Och har ar din andra rumskamrat Hans IQ ar 150 Varfor det ar underbart Sag Albert Vi kan diskutera fysik Och har ar din tredje ro Om kompis Hans IQ ar 100 Det underbara Vi kan diskutera de senaste spelen i teatern Just da flyger en annan man for att fanga Alberts hand och skaka den Jag ar din sista rumskompis och jag ar ledsen, men min IQ ar bara 80 Alberts leenden Tillbaka till honom och sager: Var tror du att rantorna ar pa vag. Italiensk affarsman pa hans dodsang ringde sin goda van och sa, Luigi, jag vill Du att lova mig att nar jag dor, kommer du att fa mina rester cremerade. Hur definierar du optimism? Affarsmannen sa, Lagg bara dem i ett kuvert och skicka dem till IRS och skriv Pa kuvertet, Nu har du allt. Statsmaklare Vad ar en miljonar som dig Gud Gilla en sekund Aktiemaklare Vad ar en miljon Dollar gillar dig gud som en ore aktiemaklare kan jag fa en ore gud bara en sekund. En bankir som stryker 5 skjortor pa en sondag. Mannen sa att jag beklagar att jag gomde det har fran dig men sanningen ar varje gang jag lurade pa dig under de senaste 30 aren har jag lagt en golfboll i ladan. Mannen svarade val varje gang jag kom till ett dussin bollar salde jag dem. En kvinna stadade hennes make dresser lador nar hon hittade 3 golfbollar och en lada med 2000 i det hon vantade pa honom att komma hem fran golf Naturligtvis att fraga honom varfor dessa saker var gomda i sin byra. Einstein dor och gar till himlen bara for att bli informerad om att hans rum inte ar fardigt. Hon ringde killen tillbaka over, slickade 20 Rakningen och fastnade den till sin andra rumpa i ett annat forsok att imponera pa resten av oss, min tredje van drog ut en 50 rakningen och kallade killen over att jag var orolig over hur saker gick, men hon slickade rakningen och bara Satt fast vid en av hans rumpa kinnar igen Min lindring var kortlivad Se vagen th Ings gick, gubben gyrated over till mig Nu var allas uppmarksamhet fokuserad pa mig och killen agde pa mig for att forsoka komma over 50 Min hjarna kollade nar jag nadde min planbok Vad kunde jag gora Jag kom ut min ATM-kort, slangde det ner i hans rumpa och tog tag i 80 dollar och gick hem. En professor var Gav ett stort test en dag till sina elever, han lamnade o Ut alla testerna och gick tillbaka till sitt skrivbord for att vanta Nar testet var over eleverna lamnade alla testerna tillbaka. Professorn markte att en av eleverna hade bifogat en 100 proposition till hans test med en anteckning som sager en dollar per poang Nasta klass, professorn overlamnade de graderade testerna tillbaka. Fru var valdigt upprord forst men efter att ha tankt pa det sa jag gissa 3 ganger Pa 30 ar ar det verkligen inte sa illa Ah forresten, vad ar 2000 i ladan. Du ar for teoretisk, sa han och Satsa pa en hast Sakerligen kom den hasten forst och fick honom mycket pengar Triumferande ropade han Jag sa till dig, jag kande till det hemliga Bernanke Vad ar din hemliga Soros Det ar ganska latt jag har tva barn, tre och fem ar gammal summerar jag Upp sina aldrar och jag satsar pa nummer nio Bernanke Men tre och fem ar atta, Soros Jag sa till dig att du ar for teoretisk Soros svarade, Hastighet Jag visade bara experimentellt att min berakning ar korrekt. Jag skulle verkligen, son. En kvall sag en radgivare Max pa handerna och knanna Vad gor du hon fragade jag letar efter min dollarrakning, svarade Max jag forlorade den pa vagen Varfor don Du letar efter det dar Eftersom ljuset ar battre har. Den har studenten fick sitt test, hans testbetyg och 64 forandringar .- Pappa, skulle du vilja spara lite pengar? Soros viskade att han visste en hemlig algoritm for framgangen, men han kunde inte overtyga Bernanke Soros. Okej, sa hon Och om du lar dig hur du ska alska Vi kan avfyra tradgardsmastaren. Ras Soros och en Bernanke gick till tavlingarna Soros foreslog att satsa 10.000 Pa en hast var Bernanke skeptisk och sa att han forstod att forsta reglerna, att titta pa hastar, etc. Nagra forslag - Saker Varfor inte kopa mig En cykel, da vann jag inte mina skor sa snabbt. Tja vad var han innan han gifte dig med att vannen fragade en miljardar. Q Vilket av vara naturliga Resurser kommer att bli utmattad forst A Skattebetalaren. Om du bara ska Lar dig att laga mat, sade han, vi kan avfyra kocken. Money ar alltid dar, men fickorna forandras. En ganska sparsam man fragade banken om ett lan pa en dollar och fick veta att han skulle behova betala nio procent ranta vid arsskiftet. Foraldrar En bank som tillhandahalls av naturen. En kvinna berattade stolt for sin van, jag ar ansvarig for att gora min man miljonar. Sakerhet han erbjod 60.000 i amerikanska obligationer Bankiren, som forutsag en potentiell depositar, accepterade obligationerna och gav mannen en dollar Vid arets slut var han tillbaka med en dollar och nio cent for att rensa sin skuld och bad om aterlamningen Av sina obligationer Efter att ha aterlamnat de obligationer som banken fragade vill jag inte vara nyfiken, men eftersom du har alla dessa obligationer, varfor maste du lana en dollar, sa den tata gamla mannen, jag skulle verkligen inte behova Men Kanner du till nagot annat satt jag skulle kunna anvanda Av ett kassaskap for nio cent per ar. Frog Tva kvinnor gick genom skogen nar en groda FROG ropade till dem och sa FROG Hjalp mig, damer Jag ar en borsmaklare som genom en ond haxans forbannelse har varit Omformad till en groda Om nagon av er kysser mig, kommer jag att atervanda till mitt tidigare tillstand En kvinna tog ut sin handvaska, tog tag i grodan och stoppade den inuti hennes handvaska Den andra kvinnan ANDRA KVINNA, forskrackt, skrek, ANDRA KVINNAR Did not Du hor honom Om du kysser honom blir han till en borsmaklare Den andra kvinnan ANDRA KVINNAN svarade, SECOND WOMAN Visst, men idag ar en talande groda vart mer an en borsmaklare. A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big everything under one roof department store looking for a job. The Manager says, Do you have any sales experience The kid says Yeah I was a salesman back in Minnesota. En rik manniska kom hem fran en spelresa och berattade for sin fru att han hade forlorat hela sin formogenhet och att de skulle drastiskt forandra sin livsstil. What s considered enough money Just a little bit more c Will Rogers. Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job You start tomorrow I ll come down after we close and see how you did. The boss says Just One Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day How much was the sale for. The kid says, First, I sold him a small fish hook Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook Then I sold him a larger fishhook Then I sold him a new fishing rod Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft Then he said he didn t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition. The boss said, A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK. His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it After the store was locked up, the boss came down How many customers bought something from you today. The kid said No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, Dude, your weekend s shot, you should go fishing. En kvinna atervander till sin bil efter att ha handlat och ar rasande mot Hitta sidan av hennes bil ar krossad i Pa vindrutan ar en anteckning Latt att hon plockar upp den och laser vad det sager Nar jag skriver detta ser en massa manniskor pa mig De tror att jag skriver ner mitt namn, nummer och forsakringsinformation But I m not. A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God While he was praying, he asked God, How long is 10 million years to you God replied, 1 second The next day the preacher asked God, God, how much is 10 million dollars to you And God replied, A penny Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, God, can I have one of your pennies And God replied, Just wait a sec. Buddies John meets his buddy George and asks him John Do me a favour, could you lend me 100 George checks in his wallet and his pockets, then replies George Sorry, pal I got only 50 John Only 50 Never mind Give me the 50 you have, and you owe me another 50.McDonalds just added another item to its 1 value menu Citigroup stock. A retired man visited a doctor to seek medical advice for what he suspects as new and very unusual hea lth problems Doc, I feel shortness of breath, dizziness, cold sweats, can t sleep Do you think I will collapse any time soon Doctor Yep You must be from Wall Street. A long term investment is a short term investment that failed. A guy wearing a singlet and slippers walked into the bank and practically shouted at the teller, Yo woman Who do I speak to to open a bloody bank account in this bloody bank. The teller politely told him to lower his voice as he was disturbing the other customers and that she would be able to open his bank account for him. Anything free is worth what you pay for it. Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn t have it and thought of other things if you did James Baldwin. She did, did she The bank manager was almost as loud as the guy She was just supposed to clean the windows and arrange the files Don t mind her Let s go to my bloody office and see what we can do about your bloody account. The guy was practically foaming at the mouth Don t you tell me what to do And no woman is opening my bloody account You women are just good for cooking, cleaning and making babies I wanna speak to a man. The teller got up in a huff, went to the bank manager s office and explained the situation to him The bank manager told her that while the customer was always right, this customer was definitely wrong He went back with the teller to set the guy straight. I was so poor growing up if I wasn t a boy I d have nothing to play with Rodney Dangerfield. The kid says 101, 237 65.The boss says 101,237 65 What the heck did you sell. There are two types of economists - those who cannot forecast interest rates, and - those who do not know that they cannot forecast interest rates. A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates Ahead of him is a guy who s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans Saint Peter addresses this guy, Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven The guy replies, I m Joe Cohen, stockbroker, of Noo Yawk City Saint Peter consults his list He smiles and says to the stockbroker, Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven The stockbroker goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it s the minister s turn He stands erect and booms out, I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary s for the last forty-three years Saint Peter consults his list He says to the minister, Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven Just a minute, says the minister That man was a stockbroker-- he gets a silken robe and golden staff but I, a minister, only get a cotton robe and wooden staff How can this be Up here, we work by results, says Saint Peter While you preached, people slept his clients, they prayed. About time a man showed up The guy was as loud, if not louder than before I just won 25 million dollars in the lottery and this bloody woman insisted that she s capable of opening my bloody account for me. The best time to buy anything is last year. An economist is someone who gets rich explaining others why they are poor. Don t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed George Burns. Trading online is just great I find it really speeds things up I now get my margin calls 5x faster than before. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, Didn t you tell me you were a banker. At the scene of a bank raid the police officer came running up to his inspector and said, He got away, sir The inspector was furious But I told you to put a man on all the exits he roared How could he have got away He left by one of the entrances, sir. To this the tailor said, Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets. A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit A week later he went in for his first fitting He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. The young man answered, Yes, I did. The next day the local newspaper reported the story with the headline, Valiant student saves boy from ferocious dog. The stockbroker called the editor and strongly suggested that a correction be issued and that the paper will tell the readers he was a successful Wall Street broker and not a student. A young stockbroker decided to take a day off and visit some of his professors in his old school When he made his way into the entrance he noticed a dog was attacking a small child He quickly grabbed the dog and throttled it with his two hands. Five dollars for one question said the girl to the fortune-teller That s very expensive, isn t it Next. The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less - Brendon Francis. Every morning I get up and lo ok through the Forbes list of the richest people in America If I m not there, I go to work - Robert Orben. Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. The market is weird Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they re smart.- How can you be sure you have counter feit money - If its a three-dollar bill, you can be sure. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. I need someone with an accounting degree, the man said But mainly, I m looking for someone to do my worrying for me. I worry about a lot of things, the man said But I don t want to have to worry about money Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back. Lottery A broker named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer named Ben for 100 The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day The next day, Ben drove up and said, Ben Sorry, but I have some bad news The donkey died Jean Paul Well, then, just give me the money back, Ben Can t do that I went and spent it already Jean Paul OK, then Just unload the donkey, Ben What ya going to do with him Jean Paul I m going to raffle him off, Ben You can t raffle off a dead donkey Jean Paul Sure can Watch me I just won t tell that he s dead, A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, Ben What happened with that dead donkey Jean Paul I raffled him off, I did I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of 898, Ben Didn t anyone complain Jean Paul Just the guy who won So I gave him his two dollars back.- Why do wallets make so much noise - Because money talks. A wife comes in and yells, Honey Pack your clothes I just won the lottery Her husband yells back, But what should I pack The wife replies, I DON T CARE JUST PACK AND GET OUT.- What do you call five hedge fund managers at the bottom of the ocean - A good start. The next day the newspaper issued a correction and the headline read, Pompous stockbroker kills school mascot. Excuse me the accountant said. Eighty thousand dollars the accountant exclaimed. That, the owner said, is your first worry. I ll start you at eighty thousand. In pizzeria A forex guru GURU walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza There the waiter WAITER asks him WAITER Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces GURU I m feeling rather hungry right now You d better cut it into eight pieces.- Johnny, if you had 5 and you asked your father for 3 more, how many dollars would you have - I would have five dollars - You don t know your arithmetic, Johnny - You don t know my father, Mrs Mutch. Top Ten Signs You Need a New Bank.10 When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other.9 After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house begging for toast.8 Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon.7 When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks suddenly don t speak English.6 You notice Kato Kaelin is sleeping in the vault.5 Your safety deposit box is a Dunkin Donuts carton wrapped in tin foil.4 All cash deposits go directly into teller s pants.3 Lobby is waist-deep in Mexican pesos.2 Toll-free customer service line is 1-800-GET-HOSED.1 Four words Bank President Rosa Lopez. New mattress A man MAN calls his fx dealer DEALER all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice He says, MAN Close all my positions, everything fast, right away The fx dealer tries to talk to the man but the man says, MAN Let me tell you a secret You know I ve been married for 6 years now and I ve been your client for 5 years DEALER Yes, go on, the FX dealer says MAN Well My wife has this thing about the market Her grandparents lost it all in the GBP crash and ever since then her family found investing in the market akin to original sin When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the FX market and always leave all our money under the mattress DEALER Wow, I didn t know that I guess you want the money because you are losing MAN No, I want the money because she ordered a new mattress and it is being delivered in two days. The real measure of your wealth is how much you d be worth if you lost all your money. I see, the accountant said And how much does the job pay. Q With the current market turmoil, what s the easiest way to make a small fortune A Start off with a large one. BULL MARKET - a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids g et no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. How can such a small business afford a sum like that. Ted said to his friend, can you lend me 10 But I only have 8 , his friend replied Thats OK, you can always owe me the other 2.I went to the bank and went over my savings I found out I have all the money that I ll ever need if I die tomorrow - Henny Youngman. And here is your second room mate His IQ is 150 Why that s wonderful Says Albert We can discuss physics. And here is your third room mate His IQ is 100 That Wonderful We can discuss the latest plays at the theater. Just then another man moves out to capture Albert s hand and shake it I m your last room mate and I m sorry, but my IQ is only 80 Albert smiles back at him and says, So, where do you think interest rates are headed. An FBI agent is interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit Did you notice anything special about the man asks the agent Yes, replies the teller He was better dressed each time. Why has astrology been invented So that economy could be an accurate science. When a habit begins to cost money it is called a hobby. A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said Why did you put up such a fight To which the man promptly replied I was afraid that you would find the 200 hidden in my shoe. Money can buy a House But not a Home Money can buy a Bed But not Sleep Money can buy a Clock But not Time Money can buy you a Book But not Knowledge Money can buy you Medicine But not Health Money can buy you Sex But not Love. If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I m prepared to forget it if they are - Errol Flynn. Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine. A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa Oh no I dont, Ive been to China many times and never had to have one of those I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa When I told him this he said, Look, Ive been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express. Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory We are very sorry, but it s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others he is told by the doorman. It s weird, though, cause this is my first time job and everythi ng, but I could ve sworn I was making more money in college just working for my parents as their daughter - Melanie Reno. How much money do you need. What s considered enough money Just a little bit more Will Rogers. If you can count your money, you don t have a billion dollars J Paul Getty. Ein stein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss So the doorman leads him to the dorm They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants See, Here is your first room mate He has an IQ of 180 Why that s wonderful Says Albert We can discuss mathematics. A man walks into a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow 2,000 for three weeks. Bankers are people that help you with problems you would not have had without them. The man says I ve got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys. Sex is like my trading account I lose interest as soon as I withdraw. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The loan officer asks him, Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars. One day a young man came up to my window at the bank and whispered, Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account I handled the transaction and whispered back, Have a good day He started to leave but changed his mind I m sorry we have to whisper, he said, but if my car knows I ve deposited money, it ll break down again With his finger to his lips he tiptoed out. Currency exchange A Japanese guy J is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan While he s waiting, he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars He counts his money at the counter and says to the clerk C J Wait a minute When I came here I got more dollars for Binary Options my yen What s going on here C Fluctuations The Japanese man stiffens J Well Fluck you Americans, too. The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank s underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man 2,000.Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the 2,000 loan, plus 10 interest, and rega ins possession of the Rolls Royce. A couple of thieves broke into my holiday apartment and stole 10,000 Euros At least they didn t take anything of any value. The man answers, I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars. Schneider applied to a finance agency for a j ob, but he had no experience He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he d get the job. I saw a bank that said if offered 24 Hour Banking But I didn t go in I didn t have that much time. Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again The third boy goes in, sees the five dollars and cries out, I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket. A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you re talking about real money Everett Dirksen. A young girl and her father are looking at a nursery full of newborn babies All of them are crying Girl Are they hungry Dad No They just found out they ll have to pay for the stimulus bill. Two hours later, Schneider came back with the entire amount Amazing the manager said How did you do it. My mother decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand Good , my dad quickly replied Wash it again. Easy, Schneider replied I told him if he didn t pay up, I d tell all his other creditors he paid us. If you owe the bank 100, that s your problem If you owe the bank 100 million, that s the bank s problem. You re wrong, the young man declared For the past 5 years I ve been working in the bank where your father has his account.- Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire - Sure, here you are - Thanks, but half the pages are missing What s the matter - Isn t half a million enough for you. At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ard ent pitch She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage. Are you a trader You know you re a trader if Your colleagues call you PIP Daddy You know you re a trader if Anyone got ideas. Shopkeeper They cost me twenty dollars to make them. Customer But if it costs twenty dollars to make these watches, and you sell them for twenty dollars, where does your profit come in. Customer Your watches seem so cheap Only twenty dollars How much does it cost to make them. Look, she said We only met a half hour ago How can you be so sure We know nothing about each other. Money talks Trouble is, mine only knows one word Goodbye. SPREAD The only reliable way to make money on the FX market, which is why your broker charges you one. The two partners from a small law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them looked alarmed He announced, I have to go back to the office right away I forgot to lock the safe What are you worried about asked the other We re both here. A man went to his bank manager and said, I d like to start a small business How do I go about it Simple, said the bank manager Buy a big one and wait. Washington, D C A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D C The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River That s impossible, said the tourist No one could throw a coin that f ar You have to remember, answered the guide A dollar went a lot farther in those days. It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father Let s try to make this look natural she said Junior, put your arm around your dad s shoulder The father answered, If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket. Interviewer What is recession Candidate When Wine and Women get replaced by Water and Wife that critical phase of life is called Recession. How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company He was shocked. October This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February - Mark Twain. Shopkeeper That comes from repairing them. A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live The doctor advises her to marry an economist The woman asks, Will this cure my illness The doctor answers, No But the six months will seem like a lifetime. CUSTOMER Oh, hello young man I was wondering if you offer online banking. Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs give me your money, he demanded Indignant, the affluent man replied, you can t do this I am a United States congressman In that case, replied the mugger, give me MY money. CUSTOMER What do I need to do that. TECH Hello, Friendly Internet May I help you. An Asian man walked into the currency exchange line in a New York bank with 2000 yen, and he walked out with 72 The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed 66 He asked the teller why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week The lady said, Fluctuations The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around and said, Fluc you Ameli cans, too. CUSTOMER But where does the money come out. TECH I m not sure I understand. TECH You just need the modem in your computer That plugs into a phone jack Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank. Mother Why did you just swallow the money I gave you Son Well you did say it was my lunch money. CUSTOMER You know Does th e money come out from that slot on the computer. Economist One day an economist died and was accidentally sent to hell As we all know, all dogs and economists go to heaven, but in this instance old saint Peter was off his game and our economist joined all the rapists, murderers and Binary Options forex traders in the underworld After a few weeks in hell the economist realises that it s not such a bad place after all, it s just chronically mismanaged So he implements a plan Within a few months the economy in hell is booming He has the budget in surplus which enables the devil to spend on infrastructure, and investment funds start to flow in, increasing capital expenditures throughout the entire hellish economy After a year or two God looks down and notices that the standard of living in hell has increased to the point that most of his angels are booking their summer vacations there The beaches are lovely, and face it, heaven is the last place you re gonna find someone who can mix a decent cocktail He p hones the devil to ask what s going on Satan explains that they have employed the services of an economist to fix their economy God is not happy You know that all economists go to heaven he yelled, send him back immediately or we re going to sue you The devil just laughed and replied, As if Where are you gonna get your hands on a lawyer. Q Why did God create analysts A In order to make weather forecasters look good. Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson If you had ten dollars, said the teacher, and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left. Well, replied Little Johnny You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn t mean you ll get it. Ten the teacher said How do you make it ten. Ten, said Little Johnny firmly. What are you talking about That s one of the largest banks in the state, he said there must be some mistake. TECH We re an Internet service provider, ma am You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking. A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice I did What did I tell you said the dad. The best way of saving money is to forget the person you borrowed it from. The twenty answered, I ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kin d of stuff How about you. I don t think so, she sniffed They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, Insufficient Funds. You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble. dialogue between two friends - I hear that you drop some money in Wall Street Were you a bull or a bear - Neither, just a plain simple ass. The salesman said, Why not and proceeded to expound on his views on the shaky economy, declining family life and politics. The market is weird Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they re smart. A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, Hey, where ve you been I haven t seen you around here much. viva hidayah - Criters kabar mengejutkan datang dari pentolan grup band Vierratale Kevin Aprilio yang diam-diam ternyata jago Tranding Forex Mungkin ada yang bertanya, apa sih Trading Forex Ini adalah jenis binis jual beli mata uang asing valas yang diperdagangkan secara online Potensi keuntungan Trading Forex memang sangat menggiurkan Seorang trader yang berpengalaman bisa mendulang profit puluhan sampai ratusan persen d ari modal awal hanya dalam tempo singkat Wow. The one dollar bill said, You know, same old stuff church, church, church. Shortly thereafter, they both jumped.- If you found a five dollar bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have - Someone else s coat. Bahkan beberapa trader forex kelas dunia telah mencetak keuntungan sampai ribuan persen dalam waktu yang singkat Namun, Trading Forex ini masuk kategori bisnis yang High Risk jika dijalankan oleh orang yang belum berpengalaman Trading Forex serumpun dengan bisnis Index Saham Gold dan Komoditi. An international money transfer, also known as international remittance, is simply when you send funds overseas Fees are almost always added to your transfer when you make it, and your recipient can also pay when receiving your money depending on the service you choose and the bank your recipient is with Us Forex Vs Xoom Energy Binary Option Trading In Malaysia Is It Real Oct 4, 2015 the foreign-exchange company tops 1 billion in U S transactions to shift exchange away from the banks others including Xoom which Exchange rates also play an important part when sending money overseas, because sending money overseas also involves changing currency from one usually US dollars , to your destination country s currency These new companies are aiming to get a piece of the fees that companies like Western Union and Money Gram charge Now, you can send funds to loved ones overseas using not only time teste d providers such as Western Union, Ria and Money Gram or your bank, but also new upstarts dedicated to undercutting competition to get you a good deal providers like World First, USForex, Transferwise and World Remit. Tahu dari mana Coba kamu lihat akun twitternya apriliokevin di sana tertera tulisan Owner Aprilio Finance , sebuah akun bisnis yang bergerak di bidang Investments Fund Managers yang bisa memberikan profit fix 5 perbulan bagi siapapun yang ingin bergabung menjadi membernya Nah, bagi kalian yang ingin belajar Trading Forex, apa salahnya berguru pada Kevi n siapa tahu dia mau berbagi ilmu sistem trading yang profitable IBE. A policeman came upon a super-salesman about to jump from a bridge and yelled, Wait, Fellow Please don t do that. Sementara itu, kenapa Kevin bisa dikategorikan jago Trading Forex Hal tersebut karena seorang Trader Forex bisa dikatakan mumpuni jika dia mampu menjaring profit secara konsisten Nah, tampaknya Kevin sudah sampai pada level ini, bahkan bisa jadi putra Addie MS dan Memes ini sudah bisa disebut Master Forex. How To Start Trading On The Stock Market. Portugal Stock Exchange Related Websites. Western Union, the titan of the cross-border money transfer market, with a.15 worldwide market share, is being challenged by multiple well-capitalized upstart companies targeting the 436B remittance market Us Forex Vs Xoom Energy He goes to his closest Ria agency and hands them the Em Forex Factory As we m entioned above, a money transfer usually involves you sending money using cash, or from your bank account Binary Options Trader 2016 Review Broker They let him know their exchange rate at the time of transfer, as well as the fees he ll be paying. Most banks can send money overseas using your bank account, but because this is not a bank s main concern, exchange rates and fees tend to not be as competitive Us Forex Vs Xoom Energy Alex wants to send 1000 USD to his family to repair a damaged roof which is stopping their business from opening and options trading strategy youtube Feb 6, 2015 If you re looking to transfer money across the globe, you might ask yourself, Western Trade the Forex market risk free using our free Forex trading If you are working in the U S as a foreign worker, here are some tips for Here s an example of a transfer where you have cash which you want to send to a loved one overseas Alex has been living in the States for over 15 years after moving here from Mexico as a young man Alpesh Patel Forex Factory Oct 4, 2015 the foreign-exchange company tops 1 billion in U S transactions to shift exchange away from the banks others including Xoom which His parents, as well as his brothers, still live in Mexico and run the family business. viva hidayah - Criters kabar mengejutkan datang dari pentolan grup band Vierratale Kevin Aprilio yang diam-diam ternyata jago Tranding Forex Mungkin ada yang bertanya, apa sih Trading Forex Ini adalah jenis binis jual beli mata uang asing valas yang diperdagangkan secara online Potensi keuntungan Trading Forex memang sangat menggiurkan Seorang trader yang berpengalaman bisa mendulang profit puluhan sampai ratusan persen dari modal awal hanya dalam tempo singkat Wow. There has been pressure on their fees for some time as the graph below shows the decline of global average costs associated with sending 200 internationally from 2008 to Q3 14 Specifically, the global average has fallen from.10 of the transaction to 7 9 in Q3 14, while the average weighted by the size of the bilateral remittance flows has fallen from.8 5 to 5 7 in Q3 14 Us Forex Vs Xoom Energy Opening Of Stock Exchange Forex Rates In Cayman Islands Feb 6, 2015 If you re looking to transfer money across the g